Self-care not selfishness

I've had my fair share of not knowing when to walk away, letting things build up until they explode and becomes unpleasant for all parties involved.

I've had my fair share of not having the courage to look after myself. Because all my life I was taught about selfishness, but nothing about self-care. It seemed like the second led inherently to the other. 

Therefore my head was never held high when I chose myself. I had a hard time feeling proud of it because I was wired to believe that that was the single most selfish thing you could do. Chose yourself over others.

I was told countless times how selfish I was and it took me a long time to learn to put everyone before me until I forgot myself. 

Every time I got asked to do something I didn't feel comfortable doing, I was expected to say yes, or I was being selfish. Never mind their own selfishness of wanting their favor done regardless of your feelings about it. 

So I ended up neglected, abandoned and unloved by the only person that mattered, the only real source of pure love in my life: myself. Now past my thirties, I realize how wrong and damaging these teachings were. Yes, love thy neighbor and help others, always, as long as it is in alignment with yourself. Because YOU COME FIRST. Always.

Imagine a full glass of champagne: that's you. And from you, you are filling other glasses of champagne but suddenly, you're out of content! There's nothing more for you to give because you gave yourself completely. What are you going to share now that you have nothing?

Now imagine a pyramid of empty glasses of champagne. You are the first one, at the very top. And champagne is pouring in your glass until it overflows! There is so much content, so much love that it starts pouring onto the row bellow and then the one underneath and so on... and it keeps going! And you are still full, and the source is endless and there is enough love for you, so much that you can share with others. 

Rewiring your brain, unlearning what we've been taught, that's not easy. But it's possible. And necessary. The tree is not called selfish for shedding the leaves that do not serve him anymore. And though I am far from being in the pinnacle of my wisdom, I am one step forward in MY direction. Shedding, letting go, self-care. Fuck it hurts, but know that no matter what, you are always held. Always. 

Self-care is NOT selfish. Be your best friend. Be your best lover. Tell yourself in the mirror everything you wish someone else would acknowledge in you. You are your only necessary source of compliments. Shine on YOU.